Peace with the Past

Once Upon A Time,

...There was a young woman who ran off and joined the Army.  A few times, the Army sent her to places faraway from the life she built. Eventually, that lifestyle stopped making sense.  So one day, she made her way back home.  With her heart full of courage, she started mending herself from the inside out.

That was 10 years ago, and the young woman was me.  In my turmoil, I made the life-changing decision to get stubborn, dig into myself, and be real with me.  After turning over rock after rock, following path after path, receiving tons of support, and filling buckets of tears, "I Met My Self".

The first time I heard Her, that Inner Self made a sound like an old dried up pea with a teeny-tiny cry!  At first, I was amazed that I could "hear" Her.  Then it dawned on me just how long She must have
been sleeping.  She drifted off when I stopped listening to Her, and I knew it.

Over the past decade, I've learned to trust that voice and honor Her. That teeny-tiny voice has grown quite strong because I've spent loads of time listening to Her and nurturing Her.

The choice to Hear the Real Me is now enabling me to start re-engaging with pain I buried and carried for years.  I've held a grudge towards my past as a soldier and I am finally, after 10 years, releasing it.

So now I wonder:  Am I ready to accept the Veteran in me?

Hmm.  For years I thought I was completely finished with my military past.  God knows I've been more than happy to set it aside all this time.  But there is a consequence, and it is costly.  By refusing or rejecting any aspect of Self, I actively engage in non-acceptance.  Of course, another name for this is Judgement.  ...And I really don't like judgement placed on me or anyone else.

And, if becoming whole means seeing and accepting ALL parts of Self, how can I justify leaving that Soldier in the past?

The truth is, most of us humans have aspects of Self we'd rather not face.  For some of us, it's been so long we've nearly forgotten these bits, yet we're still bleeding from the damage!  It's often said that "time heals all wounds," but for proper healing, you must first cleanse them, apply good medicine, then bandage them up and wait!  

Who knows? Maybe it's time to "Welcome Home" those long-lost parts of ourselves.

It does take courage, a willing heart, infinite patience, and bunches of self-care.  And it can be daunting since this Journey may last as long as Life itself.

But then, do you want to leave any part of You behind?